On imaginary friends

You're friends. You talk about your day, complain about your SO, cheer each other on, send each other silly pictures.

You're friends. You share recipes, you ask "which dress?" and talk about your favorite shows and gossip about your other friends.

You're friends. Sometimes you get drunk together, sometimes you share a meal. Sometimes you're lucky enough to do this in person, because you only talk over the internet, where you met.

And when you go, you're really gone. You're a hole in my life, you're a friend I'll never meet, and one I'll never forget.

I lost a friend today. We used to have long talks about boys and clothes, and she always tsk-tsk'd me for buying cheap bras. She had an awesome dog and a wonderful boyfriend. I was so happy about them ending up together. She seemed so much happier. You could see it in her eyes.

I lost a friend today. So did a lot of other friends, some I've met and some I haven't. And the grief isn't imaginary. The loss of a warm, caring, brilliant person on the planet isn't imaginary.

I'm speechless, and sobbing, and I miss my friend.

Rest peacefully, Xian. You were loved, and you will be sorely missed.