Monday, April 30, 2007

Holy crap

I've just done some basic math here, and it has come to my attention that I am spending $292 a month on cigarettes. Cigarettes! You know, with the cancer and the emphysema and the stinky clothes.

All that, and I'm paying these fuckers for the privilege! I know I've been paying them all along, but it didn't occur to me how much I was paying. $292! That's a car payment on a decent car! That's money I can sock away for a REAL vacation! What the hell?!

So, I fucking quit. Again. If any of you have any good quitting tips, let me know because fuck all, I can't afford this shit. No wonder I'm broke all the time! Fuck!

partiallydecapit's blog

StumbleUpon » partiallydecapit's web site reviews and blog

An excellent, honest and funny blog that pretty much makes fun of everybody. One of my favorite rants here is about the cost of gas which makes the same points that I make all the time, including:

The oil companies don't even set the market price for gas anyway. The prices are established on the oil futures exchanges like ICE. If you want to bitch, you oughta start with them first.

Which is what I told that guy at the gas station who was giving that clerk a hard time about gas prices.

At any rate, stroll on by and check out this blog. You'll probably get offended, but if you can stop being such a politically correct ninny and try to just pay attention to the point of the rant, you'll find yourself a little better off for it.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Dear jackasses,

Dear jackass bikers who were just outside,

Look, I understand that loud pipes save lives. I know you're treated poorly in traffic, being constantly cut off and people almost hitting you and and assholes trying trying to share your lane (that is, the part of the lane that you're currently occupying), and running you off the road and all that. I understand that the only thing keeping some dummy SUV driver on a cell phone from hitting you is that your bike is so damn loud that they can't help but hear you over their favorite pop song.

I get it, I do, I understand.

But who the fuck are the six of you trying to save yourself from when you're parked on a nearly deserted street at 10:30 on a Sunday night? There is NOBODY around. There is NO NEED for you to run and rev your loud fucking engines for ten minutes. I was so close to being asleep, and now I'm more awake right this minute that I have been all day. You sat there taking fucking PICTURES while your bikes are running loud enough that I could feel the vibrations in the floor, and this is an old-ass concrete building that doesn't vibrate easily. You people fucking SUCK. I hope each and every one of you finds yourself blocked in to your next parking space by a fucking Hummer, the driver of which parks like an asshole and makes it impossible for you to just steer around it.

You suck.


Woman denied degree over photo, sues university

Woman denied degree over photo, sues university

MILLERSVILLE, Pennsylvania (AP) -- A woman denied a teaching degree on the eve of graduation because of a MySpace photo has sued the university.

Millersville University instead granted Stacy Snyder a degree in English last year after learning of her Web-published picture, which bore the caption "Drunken Pirate."

"I dreamed about being a teacher for a long time," said Snyder, 27, who now works as a nanny.

The photo, taken at a 2005 Halloween party, shows Snyder wearing a pirate hat while drinking from a plastic "Mr. Goodbar" cup. It was posted on her own MySpace site.

Although Snyder apologized, she learned the day before graduation that she would not be awarded an education degree or teaching certificate.

Jane S. Bray, dean of the School of Education, accused Snyder of promoting underage drinking, the suit states.

The federal lawsuit seeks at least $75,000 in damages. Millersville spokeswoman Janet Kacskos referred questions to a state System of Higher Education spokesman, who declined comment.


Erm...if she's 27 now, and the photo was from 2005, she was 25 and well over the legal drinking age.

Does this mean that picture of me drunk might keep me from getting my crappy associate degree from my shitty community college? Damn.

I call bullshit here.

Home Ec 101

Home Ec 101

All of your stupid little Home Ec questions answered. By "your" I mean "my" and by "dumb Home Ec questions" I mean "I wish I knew how to iron properly."

Post Secret

I don't usually comment on post secret. It's a good blog, and it's hard to expand on "it's a good blog," so I just left it alone.

But this is probably the most fantastic idea I have heard all year:

And if you're at the sort of store that sells embarrassing things but not birthday cards, simply ask the clerk as you're checking out, "Is there someplace around here to get a birthday card? Walgreens or something?"


You don't say!

You Are a Smart American

You know a lot about US history, and you're opinions are probably well informed.
Congratulations on bucking stereotypes. Now go show some foreigners how smart Americans can be.

I ♥ John Cusak

Which John Cusack Are You?

Baby pictures

I was babysitting for an old friend today, and another friend of ours tried to take a pic of the smiling baby. This is what he got:

Which is why the only pics I have of me that are worth showing off were taken by yours truly.

(Red elbow=me, weird thing on the right is my friend's cheek and matter how much it looks like a nipple)

Friday, April 27, 2007

YouTube - Nora: The Sequel (

YouTube - Nora: The Sequel (

Cat pounds away at one key on the piano. For fucking ever.

Seriously? This is what passes for entertainment in our society? Sheesh.

Toy camera

My friend Mike recently got an old Holga camera, which is essentially a toy camera. We went out one Saturday afternoon snapping pictures of whatever caught our eye, and I'll be damned if his little toy camera with the twelve-exposures-per-roll film didn't get much better pictures than my fancy-pants digital camera. Of course, it helps that Mike has a much better eye for this stuff than I.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Dear corporate assholes,

Dear corporate assholes,

I'm sick of this. Do you know what the people with Bachelor Degrees who apply for administrative assistant jobs did in college? They drank, they partied, they went on fantastic Spring Break trips. They ranked pretty low in their graduating class. That's why they are applying to sort your mail and fix your mistakes - they can't get a job where they can get their own assistant.

Why not hire me? I drank the whole time those other fuckers were drinking, and I did it like I meant it. I can read, I can type, and my gramma said if you can read you can learn how to do just about anything but sing and paint a picture. And I don't want an assistant. I don't want to climb the corporate fucking ladder. I just want a job where I don't have to put up with a whole new set of morons every day. I'm okay with just dealing with the same morons day in and day out.

I'm only getting an Associate Degree, but damn it all to hell, you bring in one of those low-ranking tarts with the perky boobs and tell us both to do something impressive with powerpoint, and I'll blow that collegiate whore out of the water. Last semester, I was working 50 hours a week, having to take the el an hour and fifteen minutes each way to work, and a cab to class three times a week and I still pulled a 3.2 GPA.

Quit giving me this fucking line about how I have to have a Bachelor Degree to file your fucking reports. Quit telling me that I'm not good enough to shuffle your fucking paperwork. My cleavage is nothing to brag about, but I'll make you look damn fine to your clients.

Fuck you bastards anyhow.

Dear my mom,

There's no way you "accidentally" let that shit slip last night. Get your fucking story straight, this is not a game. This is my life.

While we're at it, take your fucking reiki master and shove her up your ass. I'll put my faith in medicine, thanks, if for no other reason than my insurance plan doesn't cover "new age bullshit jibber jabber."


Drunken man parks horse in bank foyer - Yahoo! News

Drunken man parks horse in bank foyer - Yahoo! News

Drunken man parks horse in bank foyer

BERLIN - An early-morning bank customer had a bit of a shock when he found a horse at the automatic teller machine.

The horse's owner, identified only as Wolfgang H., had a bit too much to drink the night before and decided to sleep it off inside the bank's heated foyer, police said Tuesday.

The 40-year-old machinist told Bild newspaper he had had "a few beers" with a friend in Wiesenburg, southwest of Berlin, and decided to hit the hay in the bank on his way home.

Confronted with the lack of a hitching-post, he brought the 6-year-old horse, named Sammy, in with him.

When a customer came across the horse and sleeping rider in the bank at 4:15 a.m. Monday, he called police, who then came and woke the owner up and sent him on his way.

No charges were filed, but there might be some cleanup needed: Apparently Sammy made his own after-hours deposit on the carpet.

Married To The Sea: "The Champagne of Comics"

Meh. It's probably on YouTube. Or - they're lousy with fights.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

YouTube - Tom Waits - Elephant Beer Blues 1976 - pt 1

YouTube - Tom Waits - Elephant Beer Blues 1976 - pt 1

Tom Waits makes me want to sit back and feel sorry for myself for not filling my life with more hookers and hours in a drunk tank. When the pity party's over, I want to get up and just start walking, grabbing life by the nuts, doing whatever the hell I want and having the moxie to stand behind whatever nonsense dribbles out of my mouth. I want to come up with words that dance off my tongue and tango into the ears and hearts of those who care to listen, coming up with pithy sayings and heartbreaking characters who storm into your soul and take your imagination by storm.

But I think I'm doing some of that already, a little bit here, a little bit there, and it doesn't seem to be all it's cracked up to be. : Online FLV Converter : Download online videos direct to PC / iPod / PSP. It's free! : Online FLV Converter : Download online videos direct to PC / iPod / PSP. It's free!

Tom Waits and Bono reading Bukowski. You're welcome.

If you want this to play on your iPod or in a car on a CD, get a load of this. Don't thank me for that one, tho - thank Snackey, who got it from Slo, so thank them.

YouTube - Flea Market Montgomery - Long Version

YouTube - Flea Market Montgomery - Long Version

Get your shopping pants on! We're going to the mini mall!


To the fleaaaaa maaaarket!

Because I love you, here is the mp3.

Dear Crazy Bitch,

Dear crazy bitch who was just here to get boarding passes,

I'm sure our clock that displays what time it is in Paris is wrong. I honestly don't give a shit, as I've never been to Paris and don't plan to go any time soon. People who stand around in Chicago waiting to get a boarding pass to go back to Cleveland and complain about shit like a clock that doesn't apply to their timezone are morons. Count yourself in, crazy bitch.

When I say "printing of boarding passes is complimentary," it actually IS grammatically correct. The "is" is referring to the subject, "printing," not "boarding passes." Had I said "the boarding passes is free," (minus the words "printing" and "of"), you would have been hell of right in correcting me. However, I have been editing manuscripts, term papers, etc since I was seven years old, and I know wtf I am talking about, crazy bitch.

Also, when I say "No, ma'am, we don't charge for that," a polite, "No! Really?" is okay. To say it four fucking times is quite a bit out of control. You need to settle down!

I hope your flight is grounded for weather today, crazy lady. I hope it's grounded for weather and you are stuck in the airport and a sweaty man with uncontrollable bowels seems to sit down next to you where ever you go.

Holy shit, you make me want to throw things.


Flickr: Photos from spudart

Flickr: Photos from spudart

Matt Maldre has a fantastic collection of Chicago photos here - I could browse for hours. Go check 'em out yourself, or get to know the man behind the camera.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 The Office Gun Show T-Shirt The Office Gun Show T-Shirt



This was sent to me by the ever clever Victor, who can always find the most delightful ways to cheer a girl up.

Free, legal MP3 downloads of Liam Lynch, who is finestkind by me.


Ahhh, blogspot. Where I am no longer inundated with this kind of bullshit:

Thanks, anonymous(ish) jackass stumbler who just made all of this that much more worthwhile.

YouTube - Bach - Art of fugue - Contrapunctus4 - Glenn Gould

YouTube - Bach - Art of fugue - Contrapunctus4 - Glenn Gould

The most pleasant three minutes and nine seconds I've had all week.

Kitty Exercise

If I met these people in the street I would hell of kick them in the teeth.

Why the hell is Anne Coulter attending the TV Land awards?

Bongolong Land is a nice little blog about music. No, not the tripe that you read about in those shiny magazines that's force-fed to you by Pitchfork and MTV - I mean music.

Monday, April 23, 2007


I went downtown on Saturday to watch them film the new Batman movie, but they were done filming for the day. There's a post office that straddles one of the main arteries into the city, I-290, and the north face of the post office had been changed to Gotham National Bank. I got an okay picture of it, but there's a short video pan of it on my twango account. We walked around afterwards and got some great shots of the city, including some good ones from the top of the Hancock building. Here's the Gotham National Bank picture:

click for a better view

And my favorite shot of the day:


Wow, this blows. Over on SU, they've made it so you have to sign up for an SU account to see R-rated content. What the hell? You can see R-rated stuff all over the web, from The Onion to the daily news. Give me a fucking break, StumbleUpon.

If I were more paranoid, I'd wonder if you weren't just trying to get all of the people who don't post shiny, happy (read: Clean and Christian) things to leave SU voluntarily (which would be much easier than forcing them out). Between the Unmoderated Group, CuntHunter, Zilcho, and lord knows who else - you're just trying to oust the unsavory folks so you can get more money from Ebay. Fuckers.

So, I'm transferring it all over here. Holy shit, that's going to be a huge project. But maybe it's just time I get the hell out of that joint anyhow.