We interrupt this blog for a slightly embarassing poetry moment

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It's not what I want
But it's where I want
The edge of the ocean, the deep blue lip of the world
Away from you, away from them,
just old dilapidated me in this old dilapidated place.

3 hours a day makes me a professional's professional

Strolling down Jackson in the bowels of Oak Park, I can hear the roar of the airplane overhead and the roar of the blue line behind me. To the untrained ear it's the same noise, the same roar, the same swift, onward motion.

There are subtle differences. The airplane soars over, going somewhere - running away and leaving it all behind. Just like your daydreams, or the latest love of your life. Full of escape and possibility and perky attendants, the plane has had enough and is leaving for better climes.

The el clatters along, rattling, jarring you to the bone like roller skates on old sidewalks or the fathomless pit of your soul when you realize you've made the biggest mistake of your life. The el, cranky and ornery and mean, rumbles through the night. Staying its ground. Getting the last word in.

Woodstock!

Some friends and I went to Woodstock yesterday. No, the one in Illinois, where they filmed "Groundhog Day." We made some other stops. More pics here.









Here's the flash show:

Grand & Milwaulkee

There's a strange blue building on the corner of Grand & Milwaukee that seems to attract some interesting graffiti. I took some pics of it & the surrounding area. I have a whole thing here that I wrote to go with it, but it'll have to wait til tomorrow:







Here's the flash thing:

The little things

So every time someone needs to access the internet at my hotel, I walk them down to the computer room. On the short walk down the hall I explain to them the price for printing, that they can come to me with any questions, etc.

Just now this complete tool came by and I told him how much we charge for printing. He said, "You guys are RAPING me." I ignored him completely and just kept talking.

We got to the door and I was in the middle of saying, "The first computer on your left is ready to go online." I got as far as, "The first-" and he pulled the door. It's locked. I had the key card in my hand and refrained from explaining to him that I'm walking him down there specifically to unlock the door. He dropped his arm to his side. I continued, 'The first comp-" and he pulled the door again. I stopped talking and looked at him out of the corner of my eye like maybe he was some sort of imbecile who needed help putting his pants on the right way every morning. He looked back at me like I was giving him some sort of quiz full of trick questions. I reached across him and held the key card up to the reader to unlock the door, but it was pretty hard to keep from laughing right in his face.

Oh, yes, it's one of those days when the little things are everything. Real coffee from Dunkin Donuts, a $5 tip from some jackass customer two hours ago, being able to watch the WGN news in the break room this morning - these are the things that are making this extended weekend the finest kind that it can be.

Oh, no! Not Uncle Ben!

Well, apparently I'm not one of those people who learns from my mistakes. Remember those brownies that I FUBAR'd? Well, kids, tonight it's Uncle Ben. Not just plain old Uncle Ben, but Uncle Ben Boil-in-Bag - the easy stuff. The stuff made for morons who can't figure out how to cook rice. Morons like me.



First, let me explain. I used to measure out the water to make mac n cheese. I mean, if it called for 6 cups or quarts or whatever the hell, and I couldn't find the right measuring cup, I didn't make mac n cheese. This went on until I was seventeen, and my best friend at the time explained (very slowly) that the water is drained so it doesn't really matter how much water you use, as long as it's enough to just cook the noodles. It was another two years before I quit cooking them in a big pot like you would use to make chili for six people. For serious. To this day I get kind of nervous making it in a sauce pan.

So, when the directions on the box said "In a 2-qt. saucepan, submerge unopened bag of rice in 4 cups of water," I figured - fuck it, you're just gonna drain it. So I got the biggest sauce pan and I filled it up with water, let it boil, and I put in the bag. 12 minutes later I took the bag out, opened it up, and poured the rice on a plate. Then I covered the rice with some of the sauce from the frozen Sesame Chicken mess that I was making and settled in for a delicious dinner. I scooped up a nice forkful of saucy rice and I was absolutely crushed when every grain in my mouth crunched between my teeth.

Stupid rice. So I just ate the chicken. Then I noticed something. The rice, it looked like it had little...well...look for yourself:



Doesn't it kind of remind you of that scene in "Lost Boys" where first it's rice, then it's maggots, then it's rice? Yeah, this basically looks like a maggot with a full stomach to me. Sorry, but it does.

So much for sesame chicken. If I get any kind of appetite back, it's gonna be Pringles for dinner.