Friday, June 1, 2007

Illegal Parkers

Dear illegal parkers,

Now that summer is here and the regular TV season is over, I spend a lot of time sitting by my front windows and reading. There's a small grocery store across the street, in front of which is a spot for handicapped parking.

Every dang day I see at least five cars pull up in that spot. Out leap one or more passengers who are getting out of the car with no assistance. They run down to the coffee shop, into the store, or across the street to the cigar shop.

You people are a bunch of bastards.

Yesterday, one car full of women pulled up. It was parked half in the handicapped spot, half in front of a fire hydrant. Perhaps the theory was that because the car wasn't completely parked in either illegal spot, it was okay to be assholes.

An older car drove by with a little old man at the wheel and a little old lady pointing at the spot. You know where this story is going. He slowed down, saw he couldn't get into the spot, and drove on. Five or six minutes later, he came quivering down the street, resting every few steps. During these rests, his wife adjusted her purse on her forearm, which kept slipping because she was using a walker.

Oh, but those bitches in the car got their damn lattes! They came back two or three minutes after the elderly couple had gone into the store, laughing and giggling like they hadn't a care in the world.

Maybe that old couple, in their youth, had taken up handicapped spaces in parking lots. I doubt it, since there probably weren't handicapped spaces when they were in their 20's, but maybe they did and this is karma. At any rate, I hope that carload of bitches gets sideswiped by a hit and run driver.

In the future please park in front of the hydrant instead. The likelihood of a fire is far less than that of someone needing that spot.

Oh, and fair warning to all of you illegal parkers - starting this weekend, I'm taking pictures of you and your illegally parked car, and I'm sending 'em to the cops so they can do that whole ticket by mail thing.



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