Dear Crazy Bitch,

Dear crazy bitch who was just here to get boarding passes,

I'm sure our clock that displays what time it is in Paris is wrong. I honestly don't give a shit, as I've never been to Paris and don't plan to go any time soon. People who stand around in Chicago waiting to get a boarding pass to go back to Cleveland and complain about shit like a clock that doesn't apply to their timezone are morons. Count yourself in, crazy bitch.

When I say "printing of boarding passes is complimentary," it actually IS grammatically correct. The "is" is referring to the subject, "printing," not "boarding passes." Had I said "the boarding passes is free," (minus the words "printing" and "of"), you would have been hell of right in correcting me. However, I have been editing manuscripts, term papers, etc since I was seven years old, and I know wtf I am talking about, crazy bitch.

Also, when I say "No, ma'am, we don't charge for that," a polite, "No! Really?" is okay. To say it four fucking times is quite a bit out of control. You need to settle down!

I hope your flight is grounded for weather today, crazy lady. I hope it's grounded for weather and you are stuck in the airport and a sweaty man with uncontrollable bowels seems to sit down next to you where ever you go.

Holy shit, you make me want to throw things.

Sincerely,
M