Dear Moron,

Dear the moron who was just here,

You little joke about "how much do you charge for stapling?" went without comment because it's a "joke" that I've heard many times before.

However, in light of the sheer quantity of people asking how much we charge for a single staple, my boss and I have decided to charge 10¢ for each staple used. We thank you for your wonderful idea of charging for stapler use, and we hope that you come back later so we can tell you (via your room bill) just how much we appreciate it.

A note to all customers in the future:

If you have some equally lame "joke" that you'd like to use on me, please come to my desk immediately after checking in and lay it on me. Be sure to bring your wallet, though, as I will be charging $25 per "joke." Cash only, no checks, no credit cards, no paypal.

Also please give me information on where you parked your car, make & model, license plate number, etc, so I know which car to cover with breadcrumbs...thus attracting birds, who will cover your car in bird poop to a degree that you will find quite unbelievable. Oh, but you'd better believe it!

Sincerely,
M