Personal space!

Dear the group that's here today,

All of you have the same accent, and all of you have the same stench. All of you also walk uncomfortably close to me when I'm walking you down to the computer room. Feel free to bathe and in the future, remember: three feet of personal space.

Dear the elderly lady at the stoplight on Washington this morning,

When I was revving my engine during the red light, I wasn't challenging you to a race. I'm having some acceleration issues with my car, and it tends to work better if I rev it right before the light changes to green. I honestly wasn't trying to throw down with you.

But damn! You took off from that line like we were racin' for pink slips! Well played!

Dear my chemistry prof,

You bitch. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Thanks for nothing!

Sincerely,
M